Hotel Tazumal House

If you're looking for the most desolate, unwelcoming, and underwhelming spot in El Salvador’s capital, look no further! This hotel seems to have strategically placed itself in a part of town so isolated, even the locals don’t bother showing up. If you enjoy long, lonely walks to nowhere and the eerie silence of an abandoned neighborhood, you’ll feel right at home here. Upon arrival, I was welcomed by being shoved into a *single* room the size of a closet, even though I specifically booked a double. But who needs space when you’re on vacation, right? Forget moving around comfortably—just stay perfectly still, and maybe you won’t notice how cramped it is.  As for soundproofing? That’s a foreign concept here. I could practically hear the thoughts of my neighbors next door, not to mention every cough, sneeze, and snore. It’s as if the walls are made of paper, or possibly even thinner. And breakfast—ah, yes, the highlight. A culinary masterpiece of stale bread, a thin slice of butter, and some suspiciously sweet jam. Just enough to leave you wondering whether they’re trying to starve you or teach you a lesson in minimalism. In summary, if you enjoy poor service, claustrophobia, and terrible food, this is the place for you! Otherwise, save yourself the trauma and stay literally anywhere else.

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